Ive realised that: i need you to welcome my coming to you

Seeing as ive been bugging Berlin to update her journal properly, i have decided that i shall do mine as well and seeing as im not really a typing person unless im typing about periods or bleeding .. i shall now mention what happened last night and why my daughters face ended up like this

(this isnt Mr cool btw)


Playing happily by herself with a penguin toy (who i shall now call mr cool), we WERE trying to go to sleep but bubba had other plans and with this toy as she would place him in her mouth chewing on the toy before then pulling him out of her mouth, then smiling at him and then placing him once more in her mouth and then again repeating this step which actually continued 7 times while i watched it a thought then popped into my head and it was at the 8th time of eye goggling mr Cool that i decided to take action and grab on to mr cool with my awesome toothy grip and i pretty much yanked the toy out of her hands with a growl(her playful CLOVERFIELD MONSTER one).. she was stunned, she was shocked and with me waving it around (while still in my mouth.. picture my head going side to side in front of her) it was a split second or two when she began mumbling upset i had stolen her chew pal Mr cool; her bottom lip was trembling and her face was sour.. i was giggling of course but then i realised.. what type of role model would i be if i didn't give it back and of course then i wouldn't be a balanced parent..

i remember awhile ago during one of my midwife appointments that Jo had given me information about being a balanced parent.. about being a mother who is one with the circle of security (i will support her exploration and yet welcome her coming when she needs me in times of crisis or when she is down) and i only truly realised this once i saw the slight betrayal in jaidees eyes when she realised i had stolen her beloved Mr cool.. i felt horrible that my daughter was crying because of something i did that was so simple and so i broke away from teasing the poor thing to comforting the soon to come tears and giving back Mr cool, it was then she began crying louder and doing what seemed to be yelling, cursing at me, mumbling words that seemed to be "you did it" it in baby language D: MY POOR BABY

i think im going to find my folder and look more up on the circle of security; when my midwife first gave it to me, i placed the sheets with all the other information in this single folder without reading it properly but i think might just go back on it, find it in the folder and read up some more.. i want to understand this as i want to become the best parent for dear daughter <3 and i think i might also post what i find so you all can read up on it :)